BeefingFraeulein

Why is it that whenever I get really excited about purchasing a sealed Lp that has long been out of print from my local record store, it only ends in disappointment? It is very frustrating when I bring home a stack of Lps that are brand new, and upon taking them out of the wrapper and putting them on the turntable, nearly half of them have some kind of defect.

The most common defect that I have come across is finding residual pieces of the aluminum stamper found thermally bonded in between the grooves. When the needle goes through these sections of the Lp, it will cause an unpleasant distortion that is extremely noticeable, especially during the quieter passages of the recording. (This is where it pays to find gently-used original copies of the same title or the never fail Japanese pressings). This is of course, IF you can actually afford them. These fine fragments of aluminum usually have to be seen under a high powered fluorescent lamp, although, your needle will usually pick it up first.

When I asked a friend who is in the music industry and presses vinyl, he basically told me that larger record manufacturers today do not have quality control as they did even in the eighties, and there are many inexperienced people pressing our vinyl. This leads to over pressing and warping causing the plate "stamper" to gradually wear out over time, causing the thin pieces of shiny metal to be seen-and heard in the grooves even on cheap hi-fi gear.

Another common problem that happens when pressing records is what is called a plate shift. This is exactly what the name implies- The aluminum stamper or the vinyl shifts before or during the stamping process.
If you pay attention to the tone arm during playback, one will find that it moves from side to side while trying to trace the grooves. Distortion of the "hssshh" sound usually results during the playing experience. Again, this can be aurally annoying when listening to classical, jazz, or even some rock lps.

Take the Minutemen's classic two-Lp, "Double Nickels on the Dime" reissue for instance, the copy that I happened to pick up, the listener can definitely hear unnecessary noise when the needle runs over the grooves with metal bonded to the vinyl. All of this combined leads to increased headaches for the consumer, especially when trying to return the defective merchandise.

Oh, but ignorance (or cheapness), doesn't discriminate across genres. On Jazz and Classical pressings, you will immediately hear the distortion. And that's a guarantee!

In the legendary release of Cannonball Adderley's Blue Note Lp, "Somethin' Else", the listener can discern the distortion from the over-pressing most notably when Miles enters with his crisp, muted trumpet on the track, Autumn Leaves. This left me feeling disheartened that I would have to return this record, and then try to find an adequate replacement, which I have not successfully found yet.

After returning the Cannonball Adderley Lp, a replacement copy came arrived in the store. Much to my lack of surprise, I sort of knew that this replacement copy would have the same defect-and it did. Which now, by the way, just sits around and collects dust, since the reproduced sound isn't worth hearing, despite the classic performance.

Below I am archiving a list of vinyl that I and other listeners have purchased that have been defective. (Contact me if you have any additions to the list of shame).

T-Rex "Electric Warrior" Rhino Vinyl
Portishead "3rd" London/Mercury
Dirty Projectors "Rise Above" Dead Oceans
Beach House " Devotion" Car Park Records
Velvet Underground "White Light/White Heat" 180 gram version, Verve
Velvet Underground "3rd" MGM records
Sebadoh "The Freed Man"
Clientele " God Save the Clientele" Merge Records
Monade " A Few Steps More" Too Pure Records
Strokes "This is it"
Heptones "Heptones on Top" Studio One
Love- "Forever Changes" - Sundazed
Electrelane-To the East

Jazz:
John Coltrane -"Ballads" Impulse 180 gram
John Coltrane -"Coltrane" Impulse 180 gram
Bobby Hutchernson- "Dialogue" Blue Note
Dave Brubeck- "Time Out" Columbia/ German Import 2008
Miles Davis- "Miles Ahead" Columbia
Lou Donaldson- "Blues Walk" Blue Note
Serge Charloff- "Blue Serge" Capitol
Bill Evans-"Waltz for Debby" Riverside
Sonny Rollins- "The Bridge" RCA both 180 and regular gram pressings are defective.
Walt Dickerson "Vibes in Motion"

Classical:
Rachmaninoff 3rd Piano Concerto - Classic Records release

...It's very frustrating, especially if you purchase Lp's through the mail, since many times, the stores require that the customer send back the defective vinyl, which then costs the consumer an additional trip to the post office, plus shipping expenses.

#15: Born In The USA, Bruce Springsteen: Why do we need to reissue this on Lp? And for a hefty price tag of around $25 USD. Aren't there still 1000's of pristine copies floating around in the Salvation Army's 50 cent bins?

#14: The Best of Stevie Nicks, 2Lp: Now, some people might say that Stevie Nicks has such a sexy voice, and how could you put her on a list of worst reissued lps? Well, first let me say sexy? Were you born on a farm? Stevie has what is called a "nanny goat vibrato", probably due to all of the Cocaine inhaled via her nose in the late 70s and early 80s.

#13: Whitesnake: Um yeah, I could never justify owning this one on Lp, unless I drank Milwaukee's Best from a metal can, donned a mullet, and drove around in a beat up Chevy pickup. But then wouldn't I have this one on cassette already? Yes, this is redneck music. And while this might have been cool in 1985, why does the industry try to sell us something that is pedestrian at best? Could YOU ever admit to purchasing this reissue?

#12: Leonard Cohen: 10 New Songs: "Yeah right", is what I said when this one came out. I think that he was trying to fool us. While the words may be different, the melody of the songs are cut, copied, and pasted in from his previous records. It should be aptly titled: "Ten New Songs, That Sound The Same". Meeoow!

#11, Best of the Eagles Vol, 1: "Ooh, one of these nights"! I'm not a fan for white soul usually. (I had a copy of this Lp as a kid).
However, if you like the easy and breezy country-tinged songs of the Eagles, just listen to any classic rock radio station. Don't go paying $30 for this, or any other Eagles titles for that matter, as you can easily find them in dusty thrift store bins across America.
Hell, you might even be able to find them on 8-track tape as well.

#10: Guns N' Roses, Appetite for Destruction: Picture this: It's a sunny afternoon. High school has just gotten out. You can't wait to get in your IROC Z28 Chevy Camaro and go for a cruise, to pick up your girlfriend, Becky. But first, you need some cruisin' music. This would be it. Any Guns N' Roses title would do, but this is what you found in the console/armrest first.
This was probably again cool in 1985, but it is probably because of this title that they don't make T-tops in Chevy's anymore.

#9: The New York Dolls: Too Much, Too Soon: Ok, I admit it. I saw this Lp at a used music store for $4.00. I figured with all of the hype, it's sure to be something that I needed in my collection, right? Uh, not really. If you want good glam rock, stick with David Bowie and some of T-Rex's works. As with this title, it should have been named: Too Little, Too Late. But then again, who knows? You may have a weird fetish for old men dressed as women with pancaked makeup.

#8: Supertramp, Breakfast in America: Ok, hasn't everyone in America either owned this, or donated this to the Goodwill already. Well, in case you still have a hankering for Sopranoesque male vocals, I will tell you, search the thrift stores first before you go spending $35 on this Lp. Yes, I said 35 dollars as I've seen on several websites. Why spend 35 dollars when you can spend 10 cents to get the same thing? You know you bought this originally not for the killer guitar work, but for those awesome sax solos, that would eventually dominate many lps in the 80's.

#7 Abba, Arrival: I've never owned this lp until last fall, when a guy in my condo unit was throwing away some of his records. I grabbed them up and this was one of the finds. Abba, yes Abba. From a Swedish band that couldn't speak any English, they just enunciated it, we have this reissue for around $25 USD.
Again, Why would anyone want to buy a new copy of this? How many queens would want this on record as well, when they could just purchase it from Itunes?
If you really desire this lp, do a dumpster search like I did...Which reminds me, I need to throw away some records.

#6: ZZ Top Fandango! : That cheesy red and white outlined lettering tells you that you just have to buy it. Um maybe if I was into bad white blues music, would I want to purchase this reissue. But then again, I probably still have the cassette from my younger days when I probably too had a perm.

#5: Tom Petty: Any release will do, "Wow, like I must have like, a Tom Petty record", Exclaimed Brenda with the bangs cheap perm, and cutoff acid wash jeans.
Well, look no further if you like that Dylanesque voice, but never as clever or a wry wordsmith.
Again, if you really need it, which I doubt you do, get it from the 50 cent dustbin at the Salvation Army. You know , it 's probably nestled in between the Herb Albert Whipped Cream Lp and the Barbra Mandrel records.

#4 Linda Ronstadt, You're No Good. Folks, we should have been warned from the title. Didn't someone famous say: "Fool me once, shame on me" But what type of person would ever purchase a Linda Ronstadt record in the first place? Probably those sensitive types that would also have in their collection, but strictly not limited to: Bread, Eric Carmen, Seals & Croft, Melissa Manchester, ect. Can't get fooled again see?

#3: Eric Clapton & BB King: Ridin' with the King, $35 USD for this title? I rather purchase a mid-quality handle of single malt scotch and try to drink it all in one setting than be subjected to this awful rendition of "Blues music".
I think that originally the intention of blues music was to tell about your real-life problems. But seriously, what problems do these two have with all of the money they are raking in from previous and sometimes good releases? If BB King sang about Diabetes, I might just consider the hefty price tag....Just checked my blood sugar, Oww, it hurt like the dickens. Gotta keep it in check, so my baby will be back. Or then again, I am getting thirsty....

And Finally, #2 &1: The Doobie Brothers, Minute By Minute and Alan Parsons Project, Eye in the Sky.

If I had to pick one of these lps to take to a desert island, this would be a tough one, assuming neither was not an option. Although if one came with a loaded revolver, I would definitely choose that one.

In fact, I have bad childhood memories of both of these records. (Or anytime I visit my dentist for that matter).

Seriously, both of these records are so gawd awful and readily available for cheap, why would anyone consider purchasing these new?
Except maybe my boyfriend, when searching his Itunes, more and more crap keeps surfacing.
However, if I ever find any Kenny G and /or Michael Bolton, I will leave him.